About a half an hour ago, it was exactly one week since my sweet Maggie died. The heartbreak and the intensity of the loss has not subsided in the least. I think of her tiny body and her sweet face and I weep. And I remember pieces of that time. I remember the physical feeling of delivering her. I remember screaming in panic and fear when she was born "Please. My baby. Please." - begging the doctors, the universe - someone for a miracle for my second born child. But I didn't get that miracle. My daughter died in my arms hours later.
Now I sleep with the stuffed animal we gave her and stare at her pictures and weep. I think of the things we would have liked to do with her as she grew up. She looked like she would have been petite and maybe a bit shy. She would have had fun playing with EllaGrace - or maybe tired of what I'm sure would have been EllaGrace's bossy, big sister tendencies.
I'm so sorry Maggie... and I love you.... My Maggie......
I cried last night when I read your posts about Maggie and Patrick. It all just seems so unfair and I'm sorry it happened to you and your family. I hope you are recovering well physically and I'm not going to lie. Emotionally things are going to suck...for a long while. You will feel sad every day...probably for months. But...it does get better. You don't forget, and you don't ever feel exactly the same as you did before....but one day you will be able to look back and smile that they were alive and they were yours, instead of only feeling the pain of loss.
ReplyDeleteTruly, I wish you and your family the best. Feel free to e-mail me if you need to.