Lee has been away for two nights now and I have barely slept for those nights. Instead of sleeping, I toss and turn, thinking of blog posts, ideas.. my time before sleep with Lee is usually used to debrief and when I am alone I tend to have circular thinking that keeps me awake. Along with my typical hope and doom thinking last night, I also thought of two things: how scary new symptoms are and how much I have changed (perhaps I will leave that latter for another day).
Part A
To quote my maternal grandmother: "What new hell is this?" That is what I was thinking last night. I noticed on Sunday evening, the one time that I decided to leave the house in weeks, that I had more fluid leakage than that to which I have become accustomed. I was then distracted by all that pain Sunday night and Monday. It was last night that I realized that each day since Sunday I have lost more fluid. I am now leaking twice per day and each time it is more fluid. And if that's a new pattern, then honestly, what new hell is this? I am not ready for this to be over. While I remind myself frequently that this is out of my control and I have given it my best, there is a side of me that insists that I make it to viability or beyond. But, more fluid loss? Where is this fluid coming from? Does this mean Baby A is having less (perhaps imagined) time spent with some fluid around? Was there something else floating around in there that we do not know about? Or, God forbid (and I do not consider myself to be religious), is Baby B now losing fluid too? Baby B's health has been something I've relied to keep me going, but what if it is now compromised as well? Please, make my brain stop thinking. Stop guessing. Go to sleep!
This morning I posted on various support groups and have been informed that as babies get bigger they can produce more fluid and that it is typical to notice an increase in fluid loss as the pregnancy progresses. My fingers are crossed that this is the case. Ultrasound and MFM appointment tomorrow will hopefully shine some light.
Facebook status: Every day seems to be a new hell, but each with at least the hope of having had one more day
I was just going to say yes as the baby gets bigger you tend to leak more, also usually with any movement you might leak more, I noticed after lying in bed all day everyday barely leaking I would go to my doctor appointments twice a week and leak almost the whole time, but its okay, because baby will always produce more, and at least you know that babies kidneys are working and producing urine, thus fluid, just stay hydrated and lay low when you can, stay positive friend!
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