In my last pregnancy, and certainly at the start of this one, I always refused to know the sex of the baby/babies. With EllaGrace I loved the surprise and it fun was spreading the news. However, this pregnancy is not like all pregnancies. I may never meet these babies. So, I have been asking myself (and my partner) if I want to know the sexes now.
If I only have this time with my babies, do I want to know them more? And, does knowing the sex of the baby even facilitate that? In my terror and grief stricken mind, today, it seems that I would being starting to know them. I could refer to feeling my son or daughter move. I could maybe find itsy-bitsy, tragic hats or receiving blankets for each of them. Perhaps, by knowing their sexes, I could start to create a narrative about each of them. I would be able to prepare for losing my son(s) or daughter(s). I could start picking names - and considering if these would change depending on the outcome. Maybe I have already had enough surprises in this pregnancy...
On the other hand, it is entirely possible that the sex of Baby A will be unclear. When amniotic fluid is not present, the baby is squished and looks like a little vacuum packed baboo. The ultrasound depends on fluid as a means for visualization, so it is difficult to see details. Would I want to know one baby's sex and not the other's? I don't know about that... then I might know one more than I know the other... I already feel Baby B more than Baby A. Poor little Baby A could be overlooked.
Facebook status of the day: I just want to know my children
Also: 'Life is not fair' is an understatement!
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